Snow-Falling-Effect

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Dawn : Haiku



                         

                                       Her dead gaze caress
                                       him in sleep, profane hours wane
                                      It dawns... oh ! its dawn.

In response to Haiku Horizon 


20 comments:

  1. arrey, "subah hogayi mamu :D" Don't mind that was what popped in my head when I read the last line. However, the cloud Haiiku and hell fires are still dazzling in my head. So, couldn't really enjoy this Haku, I guess.(I am left with the feeling that there could have been more to this one, somehow. But then, it's just me. Will read it again sometime)
    Best Wishes.

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    1. Ha Ha HA Shanx .... specially to think of the image I conjured up .. that a spirit shaking a leg to "subah ho gayi Mamu !!" simply too much :D ..
      and for the haiku.. glad to know you like hell-fires ;)
      as for this one, may be it is not as expressive as i wanted it to be or the deliverance is not what I intended to .. sad it did not resonate with you BUT it made you laugh Mamu !! :P Till next time .. wishes n thanks :)

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    2. he he.. I knew this was the last thing you would expect from a reader of this Haiku but it immediately popped :D (a stranger and dumb reader here ;) ) The Haiku is wonderful but the mamu kind of changed the imagery :P Keep Writing

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    3. No Shanx.. not strange or dumb but a reader with a different perspective and highly creative.. :) Thanks for the wishes and same to you :)

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  2. Hi Kokila,
    Glad that the last line gives the dawn of hope!

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    1. Thanks Uppal Ji.. I am glad it resonated with you :)

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  3. Hi Kokila, that’s sort of scary but beautiful. I love the way it ends. I had to read it several times before I realised the final dawns is actual dawn! It took a while to dawn on me!

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    1. You are right in terming it scary and am glad you got that feel as it was intended to do so :) As for the meaning, what matters is that dawn must come and let the day break.. taking a while only adds to brighter enlightening :P :)

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  4. It's spooky but has a lot of depth. Lovely!

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    1. Coming from you Saru !! its good :) Thanks dear weaver of words :)

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  5. What an intelligent Piece! Carefully chosen words! "dead gaze caress" In fact, love and death are the two sides of a coin. Love is the death of ego - individual identity. In love, there lies no individuality. Only dead gaze can care unconditionally for eternity. Escape of death means escape from love. One cannot keep head of the coin and leave tail for others. In Geeta, Krishna says "What seems day for commoners is night for Yogis and vice versa." This concept is very beautifully illustrated in this haiku. The use of word "Dawn" as verb and noun for expressing the concept is a Master Stroke. What he is considering as profane hours is, in fact, are blissful hours of love. When it dawns to him i.e. he knows it, it was dawn. It means he realizes it late. The blissful night is gone. (Oh! It's dawn) :)

    It reminds me of That Surdas lines "Maiya Mori Mae Nehi Makhan Khayo" There are no words to praise the enlightening meaning of this haiku. It's a divine work, Kokila.

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    1. How good it feels when somebody understands EXACTLY what you are saying ...you are right I chose words carefully, mulling over as well as going with the flow.
      You related it to Geeta is another example of having intelligent readers ! And i agree again, with you.
      Yes, Dawn Is used as a verb and as a noun and am so glad you appreciated it as well as the reversal of 'profanity' and 'bliss'..
      Its akin to what they say - seeing is believing but sometimes you have to believe first to see it :)
      Have a happy day Ravish thanks for the beautiful and insightful comment .You are the one who got it fully and exactly how I wanted it to be :)

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  6. It's the dead gaze which keeps the love alive...and every dawn brings with it new rays of hope and love...beautiful Kokila.. :-)

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    1. Right Mani .. dawn is almost synonymous of hope but I have tried to reverse the image just like Ravish's example of "what is day for common people is night for a Yogi .." so for unearthly things earthly day is time to bid adieu to their love' trapped' here ... Glad you liked it :)

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  7. Replies
    1. So glad it resonated well with you Shashi :) hope you had a nice weekend :)

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  8. Replies
    1. Happy Halloween ! Belated :P
      Welcome here and thanks for the visit BIoLI :)

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